A Purple Winter Page 13

  “I need…I need to tell you something.” David still wouldn’t look at me. His voice was low and full of fear. “I need to tell somebody or I’ll lose my mind. That night—wait, you won’t tell him, will you?” At last, David glanced back at me. “Come here.”

  In three strides, I was at his side. I sat by him.

  “Swear it to me. Swear you won’t tell Nick what I did.”

  I licked my lips, feeling feverish. I nodded.

  “No, no, say the words, Lucky.”

  “I—I swear.”

  David shook his head. “You have a sexy voice. You should let people here it more often.”

  I knew I was blushing, but what could I do? He flustered me.

  “Oh, I wouldn’t dare, Lucky. Wouldn’t dream of touching you. Don’t you know Thor Lund would strike me dead in my shoes? He’d send a thunderbolt right down my middle.” David scoffed. “You’re his, all right. He’s practically pissed around your house.”

  I laughed, gently shoving his shoulder.

  “Listen to me,” David said, more seriously. “That night, that night I left you guys high and dry at Foufs, I—I went to another bar. A gay bar.”

  I knew it. I knew it all along.

  “And, uh, I hooked up with some guys. Look…it’s sort of a blur. I—I went with them, uh, to some guy’s place and we inhaled poppers.” He paused, searching my eyes. “Amyl nitrite, you know? It’s…for heart disease, but it gives you a rush and it…relaxes you all at once.”

  What was David doing? Why would he take drugs with guys he didn’t even know?

  “I lost control. I just…lost control.” David inhaled deeply. “I was with all of them. And I don’t know how many they were. Maybe three. I guess four. I didn’t—I didn’t care then. I wasn’t…there really. Do you understand? It was like, it was like my mind was unhinged and my body was so hungry, so greedy for more. I don’t know what happened, and the next day…” He shut his eyes and opened them, but they were empty of any emotion. “The next day I knew we hadn’t used rubbers. Okay? That’s all I can say. That’s all I have. It’s done. I can’t—I can’t undo it, Lucky. It’s…done.”

  My whole body went rigid and I sat up, my eyes widening.

  “Don’t look at me like that. All right?” He shook his head, staring at his hands on his thighs. “I’m too young to be in any real danger. I mean, it’s older guys, like in their twenties that get infected—look, it’s fine. I’m fine. I don’t feel sick. I’m just…I needed to tell someone. Okay, now I did.” He cleared his throat and looked up at me. “Those guys weren’t sick. I remember. Not a spot on them. They were healthy. Look, let’s go. It’s late. This room is probably booked for the evening.” David rose and drew the tape out of the radio. “I’m glad I told you. Now I realize I’ve been scaring myself to death in the last week and for no good reason at all.”

  “The test?” I knew there was a test you could take to see if the virus was inside your blood. He had to take that test. Had to.

  “I don’t need to take a test, Lucky. Jesus. I just told you, I’m fine. I needed to get it off my chest, all right?” He shot me a hard look. “And if you tell Nick, I’ll never forgive you. Never speak to you again for as long as I live.”

  As long as he lived.

  “I wo—on’t tell him.” I wouldn’t. Then I stood and looked David straight in the eye. “But you—ou make me a p—promise, too.”

  He let out a sharp breath. “What?”

  “If you don’t do the t—test, you can’t e—ever have sex with him.”

  David dropped his eyes and nodded. “He’d never—”

  “No, promise me. Swear it to me.” I hadn’t stuttered. I felt strong as steel. “If you won’t do the test, you can’t ever put him at risk.”

  With glimmering eyes, David nodded again. “You don’t have to make me swear it. Don’t you know I honor him more than I honor my own fucking self?”

  Sadly, I knew he’d spoken the truth.

  * * * *

  David and I parted on the street, near his home. My legs were sore from the long walk back from the warehouse and there was a hole where my stomach used to be. It was past dinner time, the sun already set.

  “I’m still leaving with him for Vancouver,” David said, breaking the lasting silence that had been between us. “He’s my morning star. Have to have him by my side. You do understand that, right?” He looked at his house. The windows were lighted. What awaited him inside? His father’s Mercedes was parked in their paved driveway. “I have been digging my way under his skin for five years, Lucky. I’m not about to walk away from Nick now.”

  There was nothing I could say or do. It wasn’t up to me. It wasn’t even up to David. In the end, it would be Nick’s choice and one of us would be devastated.

  “But I’ll tell you something, Derek O’Reilly.” David smiled a little. “You sure are a worthy adversary.” He left me standing there with my mouth open.

  I walked home, taking the back streets and alleys, confused, concerned and yet, strangely happy. David had opened up to me. He’d trusted me. But the secret he’d entrusted me with was one that would weigh on my heart. At my building, I was glad to see Boone and Lene playing outside. They’d built a slope of smooth snow by the street and were sliding on their stomachs. “Hey, Red,” Boone shouted happily. “Your mom’s looking for you.”

  “She wasn’t wearing her robe.” Lene was lying on her back on the slope. “She’s pretty when she’s dressed in clothes.”

  “Okay…” I took a deep breath and climbed up the stairs to my door. Inside the apartment, I called out to my mother and she came rushing up to me in the entrance.

  “The school called and told me you’d left in the middle of class!”

  “I—I had—”

  “Derek John O’Reilly, you go to your room right this minute. And I mean it. I’ve had it with your antics. What is wrong with you? Don’t you know that colleges look at attendance? Do you even care anymore?”

  “I care.” I grit my teeth, staring her down.

  “Oh, don’t you give me that O’Reilly look. I’ve been getting it from your father for twenty years! Go downstairs and I’ll bring you supper.”

  “Like—like a prisoner,” I grumbled, standing my ground. I was sixteen years old. I wasn’t going downstairs. No, I was going to fix myself a disgusting Spam sandwich and watch some bloody TV.

  “Are you seriously going to defy me? Your own mother? After what I’ve been through? You have no respect for me anymore?” Her voice cracked. “Is that it? You take your orders from that blond heretic next door? That young man has got an appetite you don’t even understand. You’re too young to see it. But he’s got something unholy about him. It’s right there in those sky-blue eyes of his.” She inhaled through her nose, shaking her head a little. “He’s put you in a trance. You’ve been watching him for years. And he’s been watching you, waiting for you to come of age. He was always a step ahead of you, Derek. You’ll spend your time running after his shadow.”

  “I’m in love with him!” Stunned at my own cry, I stepped back to the door, ready to bolt through it. I’d said it. Oh my God, I’d screamed it. My face burned and I clutched the door handle behind me.

  My mother’s face was turning pale. Then her cheeks filled with color, getting darker and darker, until I thought she’d have a stroke. “What are you saying? You’re barely a man. You don’t know what love is. And men don’t fall in love with men. What is this, Derek?”

  I couldn’t answer her. Had to escape. Couldn’t handle the look of horror in her eyes. I opened the door and hurried out, skidding down the steps, nearly falling off the porch.

  “Hey, Red,” Boone called out as I ran off into the street. “Wanna play with—”

  “Maybe later, Boone!” My mother didn’t shout my name. She was probably too embarrassed to alert the neighbors. What had I done? Why had I let my guard down now? And with my father coming home next week. All hell would break loose. Why d
id I have to go and tell my mother I was in love with Nick? What if she told Nick’s parents? Nick would be angry at me. He hated drama.

  I slowed down. Didn’t have my inhaler. I didn’t know how long I’d been walking down Wellington Street, but I’d just passed the video store. I had a few dollars in my pocket. Maybe I could get a candy bar at the depanneur near the main intersection before the bridge exit.

  A car honked and I looked over at the street. Nick was pulling over by the curb. He leaned into the driver’s seat and rolled down the window. His smile blew all my cares to the wind. His blue eyes sparkled under the street lamp’s flare. “Hey, what are you doing out here?” He popped the car door open. “Get in, beautiful.”

  The whole car smelled of him. Of his skin. Hair. Deodorant. Soap. I shut the door and was enclosed by his mighty presence. The afternoon, that lonely waltz, the dark secrets David had shared with me, all the doubt and fear I’d felt after I’d revealed myself to my mother, vanished, obliterated from my mind. Nothing could compare to Nick’s blue energy. I’d been in a storm all day, and now here I was, warm, dry, safe on land, all dangers kept at bay by Nick’s sheer will.

  He put his hand on the shift stick and winked at me. “You all right there, O’Reilly?”

  Why tell him anything? Why disturb him? Why taint him with my ridiculous melodramatic nature? Nick was a stoic. A naturalist. He believed in himself as he believed in trees or that river he loved to challenge. I wouldn’t corrupt him with my selfish little ideas.

  “Did you have a good day at school?” Nick drove off, glancing at me occasionally. “Look in the backseat.”

  Something was whimpering back there. Making noises. I looked over the seat.

  “I rescued him. Somebody left him in a box in the alley near the restaurant. I think he’s a Red Nose Pit Bull.”

  The puppy lay under Nick’s big swede coat, staring at me. I could see its white head sticking out from under the lamb wool.

  “His name is Esco.” The passing headlights played on Nick’s happy face. “I named him after Auguste Escoffier. The French man they called the king of chefs.” He looked into the rear-view mirror. “Pis, Esco, ça va? On vas ben s’entendre toi et moi, hein?”

  “Your mo—other—”

  “Oh, yeah, she’s gonna freak the fuck out. But I got a plan for now. I’m gonna sneak him inside by the back and maybe when I’m at work, I could bring him with me or something.”

  That sounded ludicrous. No kitchen would tolerate the presence of a dog. But Nick was so happy, so full of cheer, that I shrugged and silently agreed with his plan.

  Soon we came to our street. Nick parked the car and turned the engine off. He moved in his seat, speaking to his new prized possession. “So, come on, boy, this is home. Everything’s gonna be okay. I’m gonna take care of you.”

  I was jealous of a dog. How petty was I? How insecure?

  “Here, hold him.” Nick gently picked up the dog and his coat and placed it on my lap. “See, he likes you.”

  I couldn’t help laughing. Esco was slobbering all over my jeans and looking at me with bright shining eyes. He was adorable. But he’d grow into a massive animal capable of killing anyone with that jaw of his. Then again, with Nick as a master, he’d probably turn out to be the gentlest Pit Bull ever to live.

  “Isn’t he beautiful?” Nick was petting the dog’s head, smiling down at him. “I don’t care what my mother says. He’s mine.” He locked eyes with me. “I’ll never abandon him. Never.”

  A chill went through me.

  Don’t abandon me.

  “Where were you going before?” Nick was watching me with tender eyes. “When I picked you up?”

  “Nowhere.” I looked away at the street, something tugging at my soul.

  “What’s wrong?” His voice was so soft. “Something happened at home?”

  I turned my face to his again and nodded. “I had a fi—ight with m—my mother.”

  “Yeah?” Nick frowned. “Oh, come here then.” He grabbed my neck and pulled me close. “Come inside and tell me all about it.” His mouth was so wonderfully warm on mine. His kiss made my head swim. I closed my eyes, parting my lips to taste his velvet tongue. Nick kissed me slowly, caressing the nape of my hair, while between us, Esco chewed his coat. “Hey, my jacket.” Nick laughed and picked up the dog, bringing Esco’s little muzzle to his face. He stared at him, until the dog had lowered his eyes. “Okay, let’s bring him inside now.” He stepped out, hiding the puppy under his coat. Boone and Lene weren’t outside anymore. “You’re coming, right?”

  I didn’t want to go home just yet. Didn’t want to face the music. I followed Nick up the steps to the porch and stood behind him as he gently opened the door. “My mother’s in the kitchen, so it’ll be easier to sneak him in this way. Here.” He gave me the bundle. “You do it. I’ll go in, talk to her, and make us a snack.”

  “Me?”

  “Yes, you.” He kissed my forehead. “Go. Anyway, you’re so fucking silent, it’s not even funny. Just slither your way down the stairs and into my bedroom.”

  “Nick, I—”

  “O’Reilly. Just trust me, will you?” Nick gave me a stern look. “You can do this.” He stepped inside and pushed a fingertip to his lips. He slipped his big boots off and walked away. At the kitchen entrance, he turned to look at me. “Go,” he mouthed.

  I held the dog close to my chest and hurried to the basement door. Going down the stairs, I spotted Boone watching TV in his pajamas. “Hey, Red, wanna watch Top Gun with—”

  “Maybe later, Boone.” I rushed into Nick’s messy bedroom and shut the door behind me. I set the dog on the bed where he promptly peed, staring at me the whole time he relieved himself. He’d sure marked his territory. He was definitely Nick’s dog.

  Chapter 17

  While Esco the dog discovered every nook of Nick’s bedroom, I stood by the door, on guard, listening to the angry voices upstairs. After I’d removed the soiled sheets off Nick’s double bed, I’d been relieved to see that the dog’s mess hadn’t reached the mattress. I’d rolled the sheets up and went looking for the washing machine downstairs. Of course, I’d forgotten to shut the bedroom door all the way, so Esco had gone sniffing around the basement, soon coming muzzle to face with Boone. Less than half a second later, the whole household was alerted to their new furry guest and Helga had rushed down the stairs in her red heels, with Nick close behind, trying to explain the situation. I didn’t understand a word of Norwegian, but I figured out that Helga was livid, and Nick, as stubborn as he was, wasn’t changing his mind about keeping the dog.

  Now everyone was upstairs, having some kind of loud Lund family crisis while I was down here, stuck with the dog. It wasn’t so bad. I was in Nick’s bedroom after all.

  I’d resisted snooping around until now, but if Esco was going to be discovering every inch of Nick’s domain, why shouldn’t I be allowed a few indiscreet looks? I started with his dresser, slowly, gently, opening the top drawer. This was so wrong. This was an invasion of privacy. But I did it anyway, with my heart pounding and my eyes darting to the door every time the voices died down or I heard a crack in the floor above my head. There were his socks in the first drawer, mostly black and rolled up, and some white under shirts, a few looking new, never worn. Underneath those—his undies. Nick wore those fitted boxers I’d seen on models or in magazines. Each pair was neatly folded, which came as a surprise considering the state of his room. I counted three blacks, one red, two whites, and three blues. He wore a size medium. I picked up the red one and ran my finger along the edge of the elastic waistband, but when I touched the thicker material where the cup was, I knew I had to stop, or I’d end up going too far and he’d walk in on me, causing me to die of shame.

  I caught Esco watching from the corner of the room, near the waste basket. He was chewing on one of Nick’s slippers. I’d tried to take it away from him before, but he’d growled at me. “Wha—at are you—ou looking at?” I snapped. “I’m n
ot d—doing anything wrong.”

  If the dog could have rolled his eyes at me, he would have.

  I shut the top drawer and pricked up my ears. Johan was trying to calm Helga down, but she seemed to be unleashing a year’s worth of resentment on Nick. Of course, he was being awfully quiet, his voice rarely heard. I felt terrible for him. Didn’t she understand how ashamed he was of his learning disability? As though it was his fault. It wasn’t. And he was trying hard to make something of himself. But she seemed to see something in her son, something wrong or wicked, and I couldn’t understand it.

  Nick said it was because he was like her father, Lennart Lund, a man who’d neglected his family, including his sensitive mother, and that Helga never forgave her father for his travels and long absences. She said her father was like a lone wolf. And she’d call Nick that sometimes. Ulf.

  I thought of my own mother. I’d always been a good boy. Always following the rules. I was so sick of that life. Sometimes I wanted to change my look, my hair, my clothes. Change my bloody name, too. I’d be someone else entirely. Then she’d know what it really felt like to lose a son. Maybe she’d cry over me, instead of a baby boy we never knew.

  I hadn’t realized it, but I was pacing the room, lost in my diabolical plans of revenge, when I caught sight of a manila envelope poking out between two Guitar magazines. Dying of curiosity, I immediately picked it up. It wasn’t sealed, so I peeked inside. There were pictures there. Had Nick taken these pictures? He had so many different interests. Was he picking up the hobby of photography, too? I carefully slid one of the large pictures out.

  “What the…” The last word died in my mouth. Hot blood stung my cheeks, as I stared at the picture. Someone had taken this. Someone had stood behind a camera, while Nick, half naked, had posed. He was stunning. Sexier than I’d ever seen him before. How could he even consider me as a potential boyfriend? He was a bloody male supermodel. Kneeling on a disheveled bed—not his apparently—Nick faced the camera lens with a subtle, but beckoning smile. His blond hair was loose, swept carelessly to the side, with stray strands falling over his face, and he was shirtless, playing, teasing someone with bedroom eyes. The sunlight washed over his shoulders and I could see dust particles in the air, all around him. He was the most perfect thing ever captured on film.